I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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