mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
