I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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