dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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