I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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