you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
