my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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