Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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