He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
