Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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