i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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