do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
false alarm, still single
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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