I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
