That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
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You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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