Soap is not a condiment
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips