why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.