Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.