i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
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The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.