I'm jealous of your bromance
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.