im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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