i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
