I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
