Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
