Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
