I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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