Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
