Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
