if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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