I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
