Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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