But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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