PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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