He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize