she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
