Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
