Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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