I'm sorry my penis didn't work
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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