I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
