Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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