I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
