I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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