So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
