1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
