It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
