He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
