He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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