I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
only if we run a train.
done.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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