I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
