my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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