you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
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What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
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The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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