Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
