This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
