It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
