I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
