the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
