Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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