Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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