I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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