I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
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Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
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Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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