I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
