If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
