Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
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the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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