She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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