Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
