I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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