i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
