Barsexuality is the new black.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
