She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
